Now, then my body biography …gosh the things my body could tell you!
We live our lives believing we are loving, non – abusive, non-violent, non judgmental people yet I feel if asked our bodies would disagree.
The numerous ways we have abused, judged and hated our own bodies, denying its natural beauty, wishing it were more… or less…
Mayb
e it began at 14… maybe before but at 14 I was in control. Missing meals, filling myself up with water, keeping a food diary, feeling disgusted at myself if I ate too much …hated my legs, oh especially my thighs, my breasts … my life was being turned upside down and inside out by my parents and I guess food was the only thing in my life I felt I could control.
At 21 I remember my 3 year old son asking why he was having dinner and I was having breakfast again …I remember looking in the mirror at my naked body, the vision of skin and ribs, yet still seeing those dam “fat thighs”.
That same year I was diagnosed with colitis… the steroids to stop the internal bleeding made me hungry, puffed up my cheeks… I refused to take the medication, the pain seemingly easier to live with then thought of feeding an uncontrollable hunger.
At 28 I was severely ill, weighing 5½ stone, the internal bleeding could not be stopped by the intravenous steroids… to save my life I had 3 major operations… a scar now running up from my pubic bone to a couple of inches above my belly button and a colostomy bag.
I was now in control of nothing, I hated myself, the bag of “shit” attached to me I felt was a true reflection of who I was.
I remember my ex husband buying me expensive shoes, dresses… he didn’t realise that no amount of money or clothing was ever going to change how I felt about myself. This was deeper than clothes, than skin … what needed to change was the inside.
“Your world will follow your idea about yourself. First comes your thought about yourself, then follows the outer world of physical manifestation. What you think, you create.” Neil Donald Walsh
An awakened journey began, no more sleep walking through life… slowly the unloving ways began to be “seen”, healed and released… I softened.. let myself into my own heart.
I began to give to myself what I had believed was missing…
Let go of who I THOUGHT I was, my own judgements, labels, opinions created by my head, all literally dropping as I moved into the home of my soul…
…my body.
The only “home” I will “own” and live in for the whole of this lifetime.
”There is no home, unless we find it in ourselves.” Osho
TANTRA AND BODY ACCEPTANCE
Through tantra I embraced my womanhood, my sexuality, my be-ing, my body …after all these years a celebration …an allowing to simply be who I am …No should, no if, no but, no when, no how…
Simply be-ing…
In May 2011 from an anorexic girl who would turn crimson at the camera, who refused to have a wedding photographer … posed tastefully and most beautifully naked in the garden …and loved every minute of it. In fact my hand is now first up when any naked poses are required *grin*
Why?
Because I am not my body, my scars, my thighs or even my breasts… I do not see this anymore… I am more than… more than words could ever define… and so are YOU…
The photos on this page are simply a celebration of my body… a loving acceptance …a “welcome home.”
I want my daughter …and my sons to love their bodies, “owning” every part, with a deep respect for who they are & they uniqueness… I want my children to celebrate their sexuality, their creativity, their womanhood, their manhood.
I do not want to see my children grow into carbon copies, there is only one of them in the world, one of me and one of you!
How amazing, how incredible is that!
We are what we think…
…our thoughts based upon our own opinions and the opinions of others, our ideals and the ideals of society… our comparisons…
We dis-own our bodies because of these thoughts …and they are joust THOUGHTS, not TRUTH…
Who is to say what is perfection and what is not?
What is beauty and what is not?
The beauty is “found” by CELEBRATING YOUR BODY, LOVING YOUR BODY as it is NOW, moving into your body as the “home of your Soul …for this is where you will find YOU…
Most divinely and ever so simply beyoutiful you…
